tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post6029435765755359115..comments2024-03-12T07:00:44.143-04:00Comments on CHILDMYTHS: What Adopted Toddlers Really Wish Their Parents Knew About TantrumsJean Mercerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-438846683266072032015-10-18T09:46:56.691-04:002015-10-18T09:46:56.691-04:00I would think so too, but as you can imagine it wo...I would think so too, but as you can imagine it would not be easy to isolate this variable. As far as I know no such study has been done.<br /><br />Curiously enough, when the behaviorist John B. Watson was trying to determine what the basic emotions of infancy were, he used restraint (holding the arms to the sides) to make babies angry. This is apparently very effective in early infancy-- which of course does not tell us exactly how things work in later developmental stages. (And in any case, it doesn't create catharsis, just makes 'em mad.) Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-71038219908914346182015-10-17T22:08:09.371-04:002015-10-17T22:08:09.371-04:00I would think that restraining a child would prolo...I would think that restraining a child would prolong a tantrum. Any studies on that?Linda Rosahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06882047677764874298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-17162004126360153692015-10-10T10:37:39.502-04:002015-10-10T10:37:39.502-04:00This is a very interesting story. I wonder why the...This is a very interesting story. I wonder why the judge did not terminate the rights of the birth parents. After all, they had abandoned the child.<br />Yes, she must have suffered a good deal-- the only advantage I see to this arrangement is that it prevented her from building up a romantic teenage fantasy about the birth parents as people who would make her life perfect.As you imply,that would be rather different from deciding as an adult to try to find where you came from.<br /><br />I recently read a comment by a birth mother who had entered into an open adoption. So often this seems to involve the adoptive parents also "adopting" the birth mother, but in this case the adoptive mother relied on getting the birth mother to sympathize with her parenting problems.<br /><br />And the moral of these stories, I suppose, is that one size does not fit all in adoption or fostering.Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-67544384360423676372015-10-10T07:01:33.945-04:002015-10-10T07:01:33.945-04:00Tears, screams, the requirements to do as he wants...Tears, screams, the requirements to do as he wants - with children's tantrums absolutely all parents face. The child tries to cope with anger, resentment and other feelings that it's hard to resist. Sometimes hysteria is a method of pressure on the parents or caregivers and attempts to manipulate. All children are different. Age of the child is important. Is it possible to find a single recipe against childhood tantrums? Each case is unique and has an individual decision. In any case, parents should not show fear and confusion. Only calm and composure.<br />Demonstration indifference -If a child threw a tantrum in a public place.<br />We can not succumb to pressure ...... If a kid wins 1 times ..... then it will use this method all the time.<br />We must explain to the child what happens to him. At least he understands that adults understand what he wants and it makes no sense to cry even more.<br />Sometimes the humor and jokes can switch to positive child. But the jokes have to be gentle and inoffensive.<br />You can not say a sharp NO. This word could trigger a new wave of hysteria. It is necessary to explain why the child's requirements can not be met at this time and in this place .no need to give the child hope for the fulfillment of his desire to run and under other circumstances.<br />In addition to be an alternative proposal by parents or caregivers. It is necessary to propose a replacement who will meet the child and adult. So many options for preventing tantrums .... and a lot of different reasons for the occurrence of hysteria in children. Even the nature of the child is important. What is effective for one child ..... can be completely unacceptable for another child. It is necessary to know the cause, circumstances .... Maybe the child was sick or tired?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02216186566325024578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-44921863431684424342015-10-10T05:44:22.054-04:002015-10-10T05:44:22.054-04:00Excellent post. It's strange how people who fo...Excellent post. It's strange how people who focus on adoptive children often forger how children of the same age raised by their birth parents behave! <br /><br />And this eternal insistance on missing the birth mother! (As an aside, why not the biological father, too, I wonder.)<br /><br />I knight this just a N=1, but I've met and talked with a woman who had been abandonned at birth by her mother: she gave birth and then walked out of the hospital without the child, and without giving a valid name and adress. The infant girl was put in foster care, where she had the good luck to find a new family : she was raised by an older couple whose biological children had "flown the nest" and now cared for her and one or two children in need. This couple had a confortable experience of parenting, took in only a small number of children at a time and provided love and nurture and a place to call home. The girl in question stayed with them until she became an adult, and they would have gladly adopted her. The only problem was that after a years or two, her biological parents made themselves known, out of the blue, and tried to have her back.<br /><br />They didn't succeed in taking her from her foster home. It transpired that the birth mother and her companion (the biological father) were more or less living hand to mouth, moving often, quasi homeless. They also both had addiction problems and often fought, would split for a few weeks or months and then get back together. A chaotic situation, in other words. The judge ruled that the girl would stay with the foster family but not be adopted, and the biological parents would have visiting rights twice a month.<br /><br />The arrangement proved a protracted ordeal for the child: each visit to her biological familiy was a reminder that she had been abandonned at birth, to begin with. The happiness she felt with her foster family was being negated by the biological parents, who insisted that the other parents were only taking care of her for money, and that they themselves were her "real" parents...<br /><br />When she was sixteen, she was able to refuse the visits, as she was legally considered mature enough to make decisions by themselves. But meanwhile, she obviously sufferred a lot. <br /><br />I do empathize with the various movements who try to connect adopted children with their biological parents. But telling a child the truth (as much as is appropriate at each developmental stage of course) about where he or she came from, is definitely not the same as forcing the child to build a relationship with the very adults who wouldn't or couldn't raise them in the first place!Irene Delsehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08413578604966009939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-60221888274113306452015-10-09T06:59:24.811-04:002015-10-09T06:59:24.811-04:00Toddlers throw tantrums, all of them, adopted or n...Toddlers throw tantrums, all of them, adopted or not. I can't imagine how being adopted at birth can have anything to do with toddler tantrums, and for children just adopted as toddlers, it probably has to do with the general frustration of dealing with totally new family and circumstances, not missing the birthmother who in many cases the child was not with since birth, coming out of foster or orphanage care.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com