tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post3554357231049587059..comments2024-03-12T07:00:44.143-04:00Comments on CHILDMYTHS: Things Attachment Therapists Want Adoptive Parents to ThinkJean Mercerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-60259540833758811172013-04-19T01:16:10.894-04:002013-04-19T01:16:10.894-04:00I have been reading about these so called attachme...I have been reading about these so called attachment-therapy theories and have been driven to comment. I believe a lot of it seems to be uninformed people preying on the insecurities of parents (especially adoptive ones) First and foremost ANY child needs to feel LOVED and SAFE and SECURE in order to be able to develop the ability to form meaningful relationships and secondly these techniques grossly impinge on what I believe should be basic human rights. I acknowledge that there are families dealing with severely challenging children and that it can be enormously overwhelming but surely compassion and support would seem a more appropriate action. A lot of the behaviours described used to "diagnose" this disorder seem more in line with a natural response to being exposed to a tumultuous or dangerous environment when you are vulnerable and powerless...who wouldn't act out. <br />I also believe the whole biological mother bonding thing is way over stated and that bonding occurs through repeated positive interactions with a trusted person. The fact is that many mothers feel ambivalent towards their newborns and love develops over time. Conversely a baby learns through experience that he/she had someone who will love them, care for them and protect them (Whilst the RAD therapy seems to teach them the exact opposite). <br />I know there are people who believe these intrinsic bonds exist but I strongly disagree as I feel it sets up negative expectations for adoptees and their families. I myself was adopted from a foreign country at almost 3 from an overcrowded and appalling orphanage yet I developed a loving relationship with my (adoptive) mother and have a close extended family. I always knew I was adopted yet never experienced issues of identity or bereavement. I am happily married with a child and a career and have not become a serial killer or even a minor felon.<br />It is easy to get a distorted view on the outcomes for adopted children as you only tend to hear the negative or fraught cases. You don't hear the many stories about perfectly happy and content adoptees because they are too busy getting on with their lives and it doesn't grab as much attention in the headlines. Also you have to bear in mind that there are also many cases of children from stable biological families that have severe behavioural issues too! So love and nurture your children and be guided by your heart.maihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01927402032105874948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-67214403477148739732012-03-31T21:49:48.538-04:002012-03-31T21:49:48.538-04:00Dear Maryanne,
I am another member of your league...Dear Maryanne,<br /><br />I am another member of your league. When I first read The Primal Wound, I was so worried that I started thinking of my child as a wounded person who would always live grieving... I decided to carefully observe him, we went to family therapy, and truly... my loved child does want to know things about adoption,but does not seem to have any "archaic" memory that prevents him from feeling identified and loved.Gabrielanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-79326099102023617622010-10-31T20:00:58.783-04:002010-10-31T20:00:58.783-04:00I saw that Wikpedia article too, and when I read t...I saw that Wikpedia article too, and when I read the Talk part I realized I didn't feel ready to meet the onslaught of argument that would follow if I tried to add to it. What's more, what I would say would be judged OR, as practically nobody has bothered to contradict the PW belief in print.Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-92090752674394515312010-10-31T18:21:37.394-04:002010-10-31T18:21:37.394-04:00The only thing on wikipedia I could find was a ver...The only thing on wikipedia I could find was a very short article on the book "The Primal Wound".Fainiteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09131427153204282840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-34387484843289422862010-10-26T09:32:37.600-04:002010-10-26T09:32:37.600-04:00Those are really good ideas. I confess that althou...Those are really good ideas. I confess that although I knew what PW was, I had no idea until recently that it was playing such an important role in people's thinking about adoption. I'm looking into the newsletters of the groups you mentioned. I think speakers at their conferences are probably invited, so I'll try to introduce myself by newsletter articles as a beginning.<br /><br />I have been trying to educate other professionals about some of these belief systems, but I have to say it's uphill work. On the whole, people want to hear about what's good to do and don't seem to understand that the beliefs of their clients help determine what works. Also, I find a deep divide between those interested in adoption and those interested in infant and child mental health-- they simply don't talk to each other. In my own state,I've managed to get some discussion of foster care among infant mental health people, but that's about all. <br /><br />Anyway, it's good to know that you're splashing about in this sea too!<br /><br />Best regards,<br />JeanJean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-20286420406459796512010-10-26T06:40:24.310-04:002010-10-26T06:40:24.310-04:00I have found your clear statements about infant an...I have found your clear statements about infant and child development helpful to me in explaining why primal wound theory is doubtful. I am not a professional but pretty well-read on science subjects in general, which made me question that a newborn had the cognition to be forever harmed shortly after birth simply by transfer to another loving caregiver who is not the biological mother. But I do not have your knowledge of child development or the latest writings in the mainstream of that field to back up my skepticism, so just having you explain and reference some of this clarified my thinking and arguments against PW as anything but a metaphor for the grief in adoption for many adoptees.<br /><br />If you could stand it, it might be good to get your ideas out there in the newsletters of some reform groups like AAC and CUB, and perhaps to speak at some of their conferences. I know they would be open to your critique of attachment therapy, and you might be able to sneak in some stuff about PW.<br /><br />It may also be helpful to make some of your professional colleagues aware that PW and related beliefs are out there so that they could challenge them.<br /><br />Thanks for taking an interest in this issue. It is frustrating to be the lone skeptical voice in a sea of true believers.<br /><br />maryannemaryannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14820185286946511471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-27812828234000942012010-10-24T11:41:03.079-04:002010-10-24T11:41:03.079-04:00I suppose one reason there's no counter-PW tal...I suppose one reason there's no counter-PW talk is because most conventionally-trained professionals have never heard of it. But how to approach this? Any ideas? I wonder if there's a Wikipedia article about it-- but of course they get on your case about POV.<br /><br />I don't mind catching flak if there are any suggestions about how to enter this fray.Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-53182927837692657012010-10-24T11:24:58.117-04:002010-10-24T11:24:58.117-04:00Eldridge is also a rejected adoptee (her birthmoth...Eldridge is also a rejected adoptee (her birthmother did not want to meet her) and Fundamentalist Born-Again Christian. This is all in her writings. She suggests that other adoptees who were rejected when they searched remember that God is their father and loves them and will never reject them no matter what. Also many referrences to giving your life over to Jesus. This advice does not work if one is not religious or not Christian. I am not surprised she is a proponent of attachment therapy, and almost everyone who does the speaking circuit in adoption reform is a true believer in Primal Wound Theory. You know what happens to those who dare to doubt.maryannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14820185286946511471noreply@blogger.com