tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post7405367843464801119..comments2024-03-12T07:00:44.143-04:00Comments on CHILDMYTHS: Eye Contact with Babies Part 2: What , When, Why, and HowJean Mercerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comBlogger94125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-60265981718299729392020-11-13T15:13:28.006-05:002020-11-13T15:13:28.006-05:00Hi,
Not sure if you are still checking these b...Hi, <br /> Not sure if you are still checking these but I have a concern for my almost 10 month old. He will make eye contact with us when sitting in front of us, in his high chair and from a distance but will make no eye contact (actively avoids it) while holding up, on my lap (facing me) and when I hold him up in the air for airplane "play". He rarely responds to his name as well. <br /> He does "play" chase with his brother, comes to cuddle with me, smiles at me when I enter a room and is babbling consonant-vowels. He is beginning to point but that's a bit inconsistent. He gestures for me to pick him up and follows the demand "give me". He has met all physical milestones early on (currently walking). The eye contact and name thing, together, are bothering me. I had him evaluated and he did not qualify. <br /> Thoughts on this? <br /><br /> Ms. Kamnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01382641600734402466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-20662132821481204202019-07-25T10:58:43.722-04:002019-07-25T10:58:43.722-04:00How about commercials where women laugh and sing w...How about commercials where women laugh and sing while they mop? That's not my life experience and I would bet it's not yours-- so just keep that in mind when you look at those gazing babies as caught in a brief moment by a photographer! Your baby sounds terrific to me.Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-47113313896468867362019-05-27T16:29:30.510-04:002019-05-27T16:29:30.510-04:00Hi, when is it normal for child to wave? My daught...Hi, when is it normal for child to wave? My daughter is one year old and she maybe waved 3 times. She is clapping her hands, sometimes giving high five, she is pointing- with whole hand, not with just one finger yet. She tries to put her shoes on by herself - is that imitating? As an infant I felt she wasn't good at making eye contact. I still feel like she is not such good at this but noone told me anything about it- even our peadetrician. This commercials with baby gazing in their mother eyes keep me feeling bad because I dont have such an experiance with my daughter. I had problems with anxiety after her birth, and still am. Google makes me sick, autism is all that can be seen when you try to find some reassurance. I feel that she is allright, but my concerns are still present in some way. She says mama and dada to right parents, she likes to cuddle and being held, she is affraid of strangers, she likes to be with kids, she is dancing when she hears a song, she responds to her name. But this eye contact. I feel like there is a major concern among some parents as there is always a connection to autism and generally not having pages like this where you can read things like - babies have different tempers and this is normal...etc. thanx for your comments. Best regardsMigajonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-45864199826794819252018-05-13T08:34:23.618-04:002018-05-13T08:34:23.618-04:00I'm not sure if you are the same person as abo...I'm not sure if you are the same person as above, but if you are not, my answers would be about the same as above.Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-79639789422254903622018-05-13T08:30:20.064-04:002018-05-13T08:30:20.064-04:00Sorry not to answer this earlier-- I was out of to...Sorry not to answer this earlier-- I was out of town--<br /><br />Do you really mean she isn't allowed to watch TV? You seem to mention her interest in TV a great deal. I would certainly advise keeping it entirely away from her.<br /><br />You don't mention the reason for early intervention? It would be unusual to have EI so early unless there are reasons beyond what you are saying here. I am not sure what having her touch your face would be intended for, although certainly a lot of babies do that when they are a bit older than 5 months.<br /><br />There are babies who simply do not vocalize very much but develop normal speech-- I just want to remind you of this, not to downplay your concerns. I am not sure whether you really mean she babbles (sounds that are syllable-like, such as ba and ma) or whether she coos (long vowel sounds like ooooo). <br /><br />I also don't understand how you can tell whether she looks at faces in books. <br /><br />My suggestion is that there should be no screen use around her. Also, you can try playing and attracting her attention by opening your mouth and eyes wide while approaching her face, then closing them as you back away. Do this several times in succession and it may get her interest. Make sure that there is light on your face so she can see you well.<br /><br />I'm sure your house is noisy with all the kids, but try to have some quiet time when she hears you talking to her, every day. <br /><br />As for screaming at strangers, if it only happens when she's tired, I'd guess that she is not responding to stranger danger but just to someone who doesn't look or act like the people she is most used to. Even younger babies sometimes respond that way to people who just don't do things the way they are used to.<br /><br />You may simply be seeing some personality differences here, but only time will tell that, I'm afraid. I also want to ask you to think about whether you are experiencing some mood problems that may cause you to worry more about this child than is perhaps necessary. If that seems possible to you, your OB/GYN may be able to suggest help. And again, whatever it was that brought EI into the picture may be a factor here.Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-61669966104189677262018-05-07T17:59:43.337-04:002018-05-07T17:59:43.337-04:00my baby is only 5 months. I know something is just...my baby is only 5 months. I know something is just different. Very little eye contact, completely shuts down if we are not at home and in a noisy environment, when she does look at faces for to long starts to scream and cry, refuses to look in the mirror or at pictures of others, doesnt seem to "like" me but will look as my kids walk through the room, rarely smiles, rarely laughs, likes being by herself over being held, never cries to be picked up and never cried unless hungry. Now she fusses if she is tired. Used to make a lot of sounds, now only makes one, talks to herself when her hands are in her mouth, stares at hands a lot (I believe thats normal at this age) jumps at noises even someone coughing, like I said, she is just sooo different than all my other ones....everyone keeps saying she will be fine, which I think bothers me more than anything else. She is has hit most of her milestones but has hit them very late, except for physically, she is on track. Some days she responds well and others its like she cant make eye contact or socialize at all. If I let her she would watch tv all day so she has no screen time at all. I know you can't really diagnose anything due to age and being your not here but I was wondering if you could give me an opinion and anything I can do to get her attention and hold it. Smiling is not reward enough for her to continue to look at us. I could use some good exercises I can do with her so she can not be so overwhelmed and can learn from us. Thanks so much!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08151102492211512891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-71810583200992396442018-04-30T10:51:01.726-04:002018-04-30T10:51:01.726-04:00Hi, my Lainey just tunred 5 months old. I have thr...Hi, my Lainey just tunred 5 months old. I have three other children ages 17,13 and 7. She is not a very social child, she avoids eye contact most of the time but can hold her gaze for a minute or two at a time if she feels like it. She babbles to herself or the t.v. (which I don't let her watch) but not much to us. She does look at people in the room but looks away when you look at her. She avoids faces in the books we read and the mirror. Like I said, she can look though and some days she does. Well on the days she does she just started to scream unless it's one of mu kids or me or my husband. I thought it was to early for stranger danger? I must note that uts not all the time, just when she is tired. Early intervention is involved and we are now working on trying to get her to want to touch my face, however she has no interest in that. Laat week she finally started putting things in her mouth and only will babble if something is touching her mouth. She showed excitement for the first time last week and rarely laughs. She doesnt like to cuddle with me and will watch tv all the time if I let her, which I dont. She just doesnt seem to like people, especially if she is tired. Are there any ways you can think of for me to get her attention and for her to coo at us? Btw physically she is right on track, assisted sitting, tummy time, strong neck and head control. I have a nephew who is non verbal at age 5 and she reminds me of him a lot. Very content being by herself, not crying unless shes hungry, stares at her and our hands a lot and the tv a lot.I just see so many similarities and sometimes think I am crazy but my sister sees it them too. I understand you never met her but am hopinh for some advice on how to engage with her more so she learns to speak and interact, I feel this age their brains grow so much and I want to help her in every way possible! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08151102492211512891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-24322485501803299612018-04-12T11:38:31.038-04:002018-04-12T11:38:31.038-04:00Sophia sounds to me like a very fine baby! She is ...Sophia sounds to me like a very fine baby! She is working on doing a lot of new things, and she can decide what she wants to pay attention to rather than being "forced" by her sensory experience. She wants to know about new things, so she pays more attention to strange voices outside than to your voice. I think you should NOT be worried, but you ARE worried, so the question is what to do about that, not what to do about Sophia. There are medications other than Zoloft that might help you. I don't know where you are living, but if you have access to any kind of support group or to a counselor who can work with you I think that would be most helpful. Does your doctor know you stopped the Zoloft? Can he or she suggest any other medication or put you in touch with a counselor? it seems as if you very much need someone understanding to talk to as well as your mother and sister-in-law.Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-50053244493013467282018-04-11T13:15:08.306-04:002018-04-11T13:15:08.306-04:00Hello again Dr. Mercer!
Over the last couple of mo...Hello again Dr. Mercer!<br />Over the last couple of months Sophia has improved her eye contact (she even went through a period of staring at me on regular basis, and then got more interested in the world around her, but she still often holds my gaze for 3-4 seconds easily, which, I guess, is reasonable (she's 5 months old). She now smiles almost every time she sees my face, laughs out loud if I act unusually or make a stupid face and laughs when her dad plays peek-a boo with her (I don't think she gets the idea behind the game yet, it's probably him appearing suddenly that is funny to her). My concern now is her reaction to my voice. Around 3 months old she started to look for source of sound. At first, she looked more readily for my voice, but now she will more often turn her head if she hears random people talking in the courtyard. She only responds if I call her name about half of the time and sometimes ignores me completely until I either get into her field of view or make a commotion. Other times she might not turn to me but smile when she hears me call her name. I know she can hear me because when we play this version of hide and seek, and I hide behind the table or her crib and call, she'll turn right away. But as soon as she's tired of the game, she'll start doing her own thing. Sometimes she'll react to me suddenly changing the tone of speech, but even that has been getting less of a reaction. Could it be that she's learning to tune me out (I guess I am bothering her sometimes, as I am still anxious and I tend to try and test her abilities frequently) or should I be worried? <br />She also doesn't like strangers very much and sometimes ignores them when try to talk to her in her stroller. She loves being on her tummy, rolled back to front at 3.5 months, but rarely rolls front to back even when she's tired. She's extremely interested in whatever I have in my hands, tries really hard to reach items and scoots forward and s<br />sideways on her stomach, although she's very slow. She can't sit on her own but keeps trying. She babbles with consonants, but doesn't chain many sounds together, it's more like single syllables, for example, she'll say "ba! eh! oh!". She also tracks me and my dad walking around the room really well, I was actually surprised she could see at those angles.<br />As for Zoloft, it didn't fit me and actually made me worse, I have started having panic attacks. for now the only thing that keeps me afloat is talking to my mother and sister-in-law, but they live overseas.<br />Thank you very much for your work and taking time to provide all this information. Baby books often sound confusing and even contradictory.ShYndAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04905130847899857135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-24215386089568340802018-03-07T15:38:31.133-05:002018-03-07T15:38:31.133-05:00Dear Sasa-- I am sure you realize that I can't...Dear Sasa-- I am sure you realize that I can't see your baby and can only go on what you tell me-- so I am speculating here! But this is what I speculate: between 2 and 3 months most babies go through a "shift"after which they become much more attentive to new events and get distracted even from nursing by people talking or moving around them. They seem much more aware of the whole world, not just what's happening near them right now. This is a good step forward developmentally, and it does not mean that they no longer care about a person they used to seem intensely involved with. It feels like a little bit of a loss to you when what felt like intimacy is reduced, but there are so many new things that will happen and they will be just as fascinating to you as that "new baby" time. <br /><br />If you want to try to get the baby's attention, you can often do that by making exaggerated faces, opening your eyes and mouth wide while he is looking at you, playing simple tickle games, and imitating sounds or movements he makes. Think about whether your face looks blank or anxious when he looks away from you and try not to let it look that way... but as you say he needs time to do things by himself and it's very good that you respect that.<br /><br />I am also wondering whether you have recently started to feel some anxiety and depression in a general way and whether that is why you are <br />feeling worried right now. This may not be a problem, I can't tell, but some women beginning to experience mood disorders several months after a baby is born, not right away. If you think that might be what is happening, your doctor may be able to suggest some treatment that could help you keep your equilibrium while you find your ways of being a mother.<br /><br />If I were you I wouldn't get too engaged with those parent forums. They are bound to be full of people saying how difficult things are and asking for help, and it's really easy to come to think that your baby has a problem just because of what you read. It's kind of like "medical student's disease"where people feel they have the symptoms of every disorder they studt.<br /><br />To sum up,my guess is that this is normal behavior, but if you are feeling anxious and a bit depressed, it might be a big help for you to talk to someone about it. Good luck!Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-41727032630774669032018-03-05T15:52:48.174-05:002018-03-05T15:52:48.174-05:00Dear Jean Mercer,
please help me. I have a 10 wee...Dear Jean Mercer, <br />please help me. I have a 10 weeks old son and he is my first child. He is very sociable, making eye contact since he was a month old,giving social smiles not much later and cooing that would melt an iceberg. He is also very happy baby, crying only when he is overtired and can't fall asleep. Since some time now (2 weeks maybe) he seems to ignore me. Before he would lay on my knees, smile and "talk" to me for as long as my legs could hold him. (I don't remember anything happening in particular that would be the cause. I had problems with forceful let down on my right breast, but we had this problem from the beginning and it didn't seem to affect our relationship.) Now he would look at me briefly, return smiles occasionally, and will only stay interested in me for little time, this is nothing compared to the attention he will give to people visiting or his father, he seems interested in them as much as ever. At first I didn't think much of this (I'm not even sure when it started exactly), I just thought he needs more interesting things to look at, but as it goes on and I see him smile and "talk" to others one minute and then just turns away when I speak to him, I'm starting to feel left out and sometimes it makes me really sad. I'd just like to see those smiling eyes staring at me more often. Is it because we spent so much time with each other? Is this normal baby behavior? I read on other forums about babies ignoring their parents but none is this young? I would like to do something to spark his interest in me, but I also see he needs time to explore/be by himself, and want to respect this time, so I don't force myself in his view.. i don't know.. am I over reacting? ..or over thinking.. <br /><br />Greetings from Slovenia. <br />Sasa<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08744807148022089209noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-30238622956913926422018-01-31T10:39:44.260-05:002018-01-31T10:39:44.260-05:00It's easy for depressed people to think they d...It's easy for depressed people to think they don't want to use medication-- they feel that the depressed self is "real" and that any improved mood would lose some part of themselves. Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-89361697197683586662018-01-30T13:49:17.852-05:002018-01-30T13:49:17.852-05:00Thank you very much for your reply! Over the last ...Thank you very much for your reply! Over the last couple of days she actually started to pay more attention to my face, she sometimes really stares at me especially when I am talking or eating, but now she smiles a little less. Must be personality, serious babies run in the family.<br />I have been prescribed Zofran (I was exhibiting depressive symptoms as well when OB evaluated me), but I am hesitant to take it. I have seen people become very dependent on that kind of medication.ShYndAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04905130847899857135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-64026352581605664362018-01-29T10:34:44.169-05:002018-01-29T10:34:44.169-05:00Dear Maria-- I'm sorry you are so worried, and...Dear Maria-- I'm sorry you are so worried, and I am fairly confident that your anxiety rather than the baby's development is the problem. Scanning your face carefully and looking, then looking away are perfectly normal for this age. Babies do not gaze into their mother's eyes for long periods and more than adults gaze for long periods into the eyes of other adults. I know you see pictures of babies doing this, but they never tell you how long the photographer had to wait before getting that shot!<br /><br /> She sounds attentive to you and normally interested in the world in general, in other words, even though she is too young to really tell, there is nothing here I could identify as resembling autism.<br /><br />Have you had anti-anxiety medication prescribed? That is often a good way to break through these preoccupying concerns, and might be helpful even if you were to b begin psychotherapy.Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-89884512182096625432018-01-27T13:08:19.676-05:002018-01-27T13:08:19.676-05:00Hello Dr. Mercer!
My name is Maria and I have con...Hello Dr. Mercer! <br />My name is Maria and I have concerns about my daughter that are very similar to the ones Brooke described in her post. My girl is 11 weeks and 3 days old, she was born at term, no health problems. I am really worried about her social development. She is not a very smiley baby, she rarely smiles at objects. She smiles at me or her father more, but definitely not all the time, like babies I have seen on videos. I keep reading everywhere that babies prefer faces to everything else, but that's just not the case with Sophia. It is much easier to get her attention with a bright rattle or even my wiggling fingers than with my face. She does track me when I move around the room next to her cot. If I get into her field of view, she might make eye contact for a little bit, and track my face, but really not for long. She also does this thing, where she looks at me, smiles and quickly turns away. She also looks down and to the side often, but she might be looking at her hand, it is hard to tell. Sometimes she looks at me when I feed her bottles, sometimes she doesn't. She likes to keep her eyes half-closed when eating, but if I move my face, I can see her eyes following me.I only get those moments when she is fully awake and clearly interested in my face for several minutes a couple of times a day. She also smiles at my face and coos when she is ready to go to sleep and I hold her. But those smiles feel a little strange to me, as she is very different from her active self when she does them, and she also alternates them with this weird frown expression. She does track my face in that state, so she's probably not asleep. Also, she does not stare into my eyes, but rather looks over all my face. I wear glasses with really dark frame, and I am blonde with light eyes, so maybe that interferes a bit..<br />I also don't think she's copying any of my expressions just yet. She is rather content baby, she can just hang out in the living room with us, looking around and making random cooing noises for half an hour (I don't have the heart to experiment and find out how long she can really stay without any attention from us, we come up to her and talk, or show her stuff). She doesn't really have any reaction to the touch other than being picked up yet (she stops crying if I pick her up)<br />My biggest fear is obviously autism. I have been diagnosed with postpartum anxiety, but cannot afford therapy right now.ShYndAhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04905130847899857135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-75346494510075637022018-01-14T11:34:30.250-05:002018-01-14T11:34:30.250-05:00Hi Brooke-- please understand that I can only gues...Hi Brooke-- please understand that I can only guess about this, as I have not only not seen your baby but don't even have a lot of information about what he's doing most of the time. However, I would describe his behavior with your friends as flirtatious, not shy, if I saw it in a baby just a little older. Your friends may use the word "shy" because they don't like the sense that the baby doesn't respond a lot to them, and they attribute whats happening to the baby's own characteristics in a way they understand.<br /><br />Just like adults, babies most often make fleeting eye contact, then break it and look away. They don't gaze for long into people's eyes, and they avoid a stare by looking away. Also, they are interested in people but in lots of other things too.<br /><br />I would interpret your baby's behavior as characteristic of his own personality rather than a developmental problem. Babies are born with temperaments that help shape how they respond to other people and to the rest of the world. Some are "slow to warm up" to new people or events-- could that be part of what you see happening? Temperament is biologically determined and not a result of the baby's experiences, so you have to work with it, not against it.<br /><br />I would suggest that you might try following up on what he seems to want to look at. If he's looking at something, carry him over to it and look at it together-- touch it and talk about it. That way of interacting with him may be one that suits him and gives pleasure to both of you.<br /><br />Keep in mind that there's more than one way for a person to do well at any age, and more than one way of playing or interacting that can be fun and nurturing. <br /><br />I am really more concerned about your anxiety than about what's happening with this baby. Is there someone at your OB/GYN's office who could talk to you about your anxious feelings and suggest some help if needed?Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-88768387785482558802018-01-14T05:07:54.046-05:002018-01-14T05:07:54.046-05:00Also, when he is in his crib and I am trying to ca...Also, when he is in his crib and I am trying to calm him down to go back to sleep, or even when I just lay him in there and try to talk to him a little bit before he goes to sleep, he will refuse to look at me. He moves his head all around to look everywhere else, but never at me? Does that not sound a little concerning to you? Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11029016653705728994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-55659564251795842742018-01-13T18:14:57.845-05:002018-01-13T18:14:57.845-05:00So sorry I am just now getting back to you... I am...So sorry I am just now getting back to you... I am just now seeing your response! <br />An update: I tried to stop worrying about it so much... and things got a 'little bit' better.. he is almost 6 months now, and he will look at me sometimes. But still not as much as I feel like I see other babies looking at their mothers? Specially when I'm holding him he refuses to look at me. He prefers to stare past me at the wall.. is that common, or concerning? He will look at me when I'm not holding him though, i.e. in his bouncer or jumper... <br />Everyone always comments "he is so shy" ... is it possible for babies to be "shy" ? It's so concerning now that other people are noticing things like that as well.. when he goes to smile at someone, he will give a little grin then turn his head like he is being "bashful" and that's when people say "aww he is so shy".. <br />I just see friends posting videos of their babies all smiley and playing with their parents so much, and I feel like mine hardly does that at all.. I keep thinking he will start to some day, but I'm really not sure. <br /><br />Hope to hear back from you soon. And I promise to check in sooner then 2 months from now! Lol<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11029016653705728994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-38384225702044382812017-11-09T14:11:26.110-05:002017-11-09T14:11:26.110-05:00Sorry not to have answered you before-- I think y...Sorry not to have answered you before-- I think you were trying to post on a page that is completely filled up already.<br /><br />I don't know what you've been reading on line, but I can't imagine that any baby will smile every time you smile at him-- any more than any adult smiles whenever he or she is smiled at!<br /><br />Babies often make eye contact a lot more when bottle-feeding than when breast-feeding. I know you've seen lots of soft-focus pictures where nursing mother and baby are gazing into each other's eyes, but that's not reality. For one thing, the baby's head has to be turned toward your breast to nurse, while the bottle-feeding baby is held face-up and the bottle is put in the right place. This means that looking at a face is more difficult for the breast-feeder than the bottle-feeder. BTW, you can't really tell what someone else's baby is looking at when being held.<br /><br />Wouldn't it annoy you if someone kept putting their face between you and what you're trying to look at? I expect it annoys babies too.<br /><br />I don't see anything especially unusual in what you are describing. Your baby's behavior and preferences probably are more a matter of temperament than of developmental problems or his attitude toward you. Not all babies grin a lot, just as many adults don't, but they still have perfectly normal personalities. Babies have their individual differences just like the rest of us.<br /><br />I am really more concerned about the way you seem to be feeling than about your baby's development. He does not hate looking at you just because he does not look as much as you'd like! I wonder whether you have talked to your OB/GYN about assessment for depression. A lot of young mothers experience some temporary mood problems in the first year or so of their baby's life, and when they do, they often experience these problems as anxiety about the baby's development, often focusing on autism or on the baby "not liking" them, as you seem to be doing. There is good treatment for this kind of mood disorder, and it might help you not only to be happier but to take a more balanced view of your baby's development.<br /><br />I would really like to hear from you about what you think about this suggestion, and I hope you will follow through and consult with your OB/GYN, who is probably well-trained to assess the causes of any mood problems you may have. Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-27003511212653787282017-11-09T13:12:13.387-05:002017-11-09T13:12:13.387-05:00Hello Dr. Mercer,
I wanted to get your insight on...Hello Dr. Mercer, <br />I wanted to get your insight on my 3.5 month old son. I have been constantly worrying about autism and it's affecting my day to day life constantly worrying about it, as I just really want the best for him!<br />My concerns are mainly with eye contact. When being held or in a sitting position he absolutely refuses to make eye contact. If I put my face where he is looking, he immediately turns his head the other way. He is also constantly turning his head and looking all around the room. (Not sure if maybe he is just really interested in his surroundings?) He does however make decent eye contact while laying down in front of me, and can usually hold it for awhile in this position... another concern is, he doesn't really smile back everytime I smile at him. Everything I read online says they should smile back everytime that they are smiled at.. He usually just stares at me with no expression when I give him big smiles. It's really heart breaking to me. Also, he doesn't coo or babble much. He might say "goooo" like 5 times a day and that's it.. And my last concern is that he doesn't make any eye contact while breast feeding. He usually just stares at the wall or my breast. I try to get his attention to look up at me but he never does. My mom however says that he stares at her the whole time she is feeding him his bottles? Please give me your thoughts on these issues as I am so so worried about autism. It's so disheartening when you see your friends babies gazing at and giving big grins to their parents, and mine hates looking at me. :(Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11029016653705728994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-36230145698595937042017-08-13T17:53:49.856-04:002017-08-13T17:53:49.856-04:00I know you are worried and uncomfortable, but I do...I know you are worried and uncomfortable, but I don't think that anything you see is a problem. Keep in mind that babies typically look at mouths as well as eyes, but it's much harder for us to tell when they look at our mouths. It sounds to me as if your son is searching your face for interesting details and he finally gets to your eyes. babies of this age usually don't hold eye contact for very long at a time. The fact that he stops nursing and smiles at you is very positive and shows how social he is.<br /><br />This baby and his brother are different people and will behave differently. Also, your first child had only the adults to look at and socialize with, and this one has a very active and interesting older brother so he doesn't need to look at you so much!Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-64086248754624621782017-08-13T08:59:07.106-04:002017-08-13T08:59:07.106-04:00Hello doctor,
I really want to thank you for this ...Hello doctor,<br />I really want to thank you for this blog and to have an objective perspective about eye contact.<br />I have a 3.5 month old boy and I have been worring about him these last months. <br />He is not good at making eye contact, he will just look at me only by a certain distance, never when I am close to him. When he is laying on his back he will make good eye contact, for about 3 seconds or less. We will look at me and smile. He rarely makes eye contact when i am holding him, but will look and smile at others in the room. Sometimes when a new face looks at him, he will start crying.<br /> When i am brestfeeding him he will stop sucking and gave me a look and smile, everything very briefly. <br />He likes looking at his 3 year old brother who is ALWAYS in constant movement. He will follow his movements and gets very excites and smile. <br />When I go to pick him up from his crib and talk to him, he smiles and moves his arms and legs, but never looks at me in the eyes. <br />I have discovered that if I wait a few seconds, he will find my face and give me a look. <br />I know that if I read how I describe him, there is no much to worry about, and I should no compare, but my first son was so good at making eye contact, that is quite impossible not to compare. I worry about autism, I know he is very young to notice it, but I cannot stop worrying. Maybe is just a matter of temperament, he looks always so relaxed and is always in a good mood, he barely cries. <br />Please, I just want to know your comments. Thank you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-14061873375657826382017-06-04T13:52:57.930-04:002017-06-04T13:52:57.930-04:00Thankyou soo much for your prompt reply. God bless...Thankyou soo much for your prompt reply. God bless youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-24202373996532404402017-06-04T12:18:29.481-04:002017-06-04T12:18:29.481-04:00This all sounds okay to me, for his age.
I expect...This all sounds okay to me, for his age.<br /><br />I expect that you also, like other normal adults, do not make intense eye contact at every opportunity! Most eye contact is pretty fleeting, and in any case it's not magic, but a way human beings have of "pointing" to things and understanding where someone else is looking, what they know, etc. think of the gaze as a tool for communication, not for "making soul contact", and I think you'll feel better.<br /><br />Separation and stranger anxiety are a good indication that you've enabled him to become emotionally attached to you. They are normal and actually desirable at this age. I have always joked that I would like to create a greeting card that says "Congratulations, your baby was afraid of a stranger today!" Pointing, babbling, and saying some words are all tight on the mark for his developmental age, too.<br /><br />As for repetitive behaviors, typically-developing babies do this a lot more than seems good to adults-- it's the way they learn at their age. ignoring you when "busy" and disobeying "no" are also par for the course, and it takes a while for parents to develop their skills at managing a newly independent child. But you will learn, and so will he. <br /><br />Playing near but not with other kids, parallel play, something you will be seeing for at least another year. <br /><br />So why do you see some of these things listed as signs of autism? Because they are signs-- IN OLDER CHILDREN. Autism manifests as a set of developmental delays in which children continue to show the behavior of earlier ages, or return to their earlier behavior. What is normal for the one-year-old is not normal for the two- or three-year-old, just as the milk-focused diet of a 6-month-old would not be normal or healthy for a two-year-old. <br /><br />Good luck with your very typical little boy! Unless you see him still doing the same things a year from now, you can relax a bit (oops, until he pulls the tablecloth off the table).Jean Mercerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14619393019771381980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2743746633913926150.post-28734654964546677102017-06-04T00:04:23.419-04:002017-06-04T00:04:23.419-04:00Sorry i forgot to add that he loves opening and cl...Sorry i forgot to add that he loves opening and closing doors and turning lights on and off. Does that come under repititive behaviour? Also he ignores us when hes busy in mischief and doesnt respond to name. He understands no but doesnt obey. Is it normal for his age?<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com